I hate when good things come to an end. Farewell, 一条龙, you've been good to me and my family for the past 4 years (except that one time when the 小笼包 was still a bit 生). Why did you have to change bosses and fire the old chef? Q_Q I always thought that my brothers and I enjoyed potstickers not because of their quality but because the outside skin of the dumpling was super fried. I was wrong. Even though it's fried to a crisp now, the meat is disgusting. My mommy jokingly said that as long as the sour salad (her favorite condiment for 小笼包) was the same, it would be okay. But seriously, the vinegar didn't even taste the same at all! SO SAD.

RIP 一条龙. I will feel no remorse now when we try nextdoor's J. 江, but if that sucks as well, we are never ever going back to that plaza ever ever ever!

On a positive note, got a promo card from Yogurtland in San Gabriel today! :) Free 30 oz next time! =D

These past two days feel long. Anyway, I'm 18 now. Cool.

I'm very tired. I feel like sleeping all the time. Took a practice AP Calc BC exam this morning, the actual one from last year that was released to teachers. Got a 5!! :):):) I checked out a lot of practice books today, so I have to start on reviewing for stats and econ. Macro exam tomorrow morning. I read almost all of those chapters already, so I just think I have to focus more on Micro.

Also checked out Will Grayson, will grayson today! Bums me out so much that John Green was at the UCLA Book Fair today and I couldn't go.

Anyway, it bothers me when people put words in your mouth. Like saying "I thought you said ______?" as a statement and as if you're correct. There's something incredibly accusatory about that statement. And even if I did -- which I really, REALLY doubt, afterall I am pretty sure that I expressed a certain opinion way before I even freaking knew you -- people have a right to change their minds, and no, it wouldn't be because of your influence. Just shut up and find something better to talk about than argue about shit.

the sinking ship has risen!

I GOT A C IN LUU'S CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now all I have to do is raise APEcon and APStats :))))))

A long tangent

Rain makes me think a lot.

Today was the day I decided I could wear a tank top and a thin cardigan and everything would be hunky-dory. Then it rained and the 100 building had the AC on, so I was freezing. My highlight of the day was napping in AP Econ, I love when we go over chapters because it gives me an excuse to sleep. I take the best naps in Econ. But he has to be absent tomorrow so I have to study the chapter earlier than I intended ):

Anyway, I was waiting for my dad to pick me up in the rain, and I started thinking about a lot of random things. Like I thought about this guy that I was completely infatuated with in middle school who I have not held a meaningful conversation with in years. I remember I used to live off his smile, like just to catch a glimpse of him in passing period or something. Anyway, I remember we shared an umbrella once, and I remembered the rain, and suddenly this old tune plays in my head. It was October Fall - I'll find you again, and literally, it's an obscure song that I have not thought about in years, that I had associated with him about four years ago, and it started playing in my head.

Strange things the subconscious does. Anyway, I started thinking about a lot of things. I feel like I fucked up my classes. I hope I can pull my grades up or I'm toast. I keep thinking about it, and all the pressure from these AP courses that I have spent the past few months avoiding is now being felt. djkfdsfklsdjfkdj but I don't want to think about that.

Anyway, so other things I thought about today while waiting in the rain, and riding in the rain, and going to the library:

There is a house on the corner of my street that an old man lived in for many years. He maintained a beautiful garden, with an incredibly friendly dog. I used to dream of working there or something, selling flowers in a stand, and I thought I would inherit the garden or something when I was little. Lol. The old man turned out to be mentally ill towards the end of his life, and he wanted to kiss me all the time that I started to avoid the corner. He also flashed his penis to Finnie's grandmother. So I think he either moved or died.

But that got me thinking about how I used to fantasize about so many things. Like I used to think we were going to get a gorgeous girldog for Sparky, even though he had no balls, and we'd have a whole lineage of dogs. And I also dreamed that Sparky would eventually mellow out and be friendly towards strangers. LOL. Oh what dreams.

So anyway, my little brother got AIM and he's happy he gets to chat with people. But he updates his status and I can read it, and in it he says stuff like how he really has no friends. That's horrible. That's everything I wanted him to avoid. And that made me remember that it's April, and it's the week of my birthday, and my brother's six years younger than me and he's a sixth grader. Six years ago, this week, right after my birthday, my "friends" told me that they disliked me following them. They kicked me out of the science fair group where I had, up to then, did most of the work. Also what was funny was the week before I had defended one of them in face of a group of upperclassmen. So, they ditched me because certain popular girls were spreading rumors that I was starting shit. Groups of people I didn't know from all grades harassed me and threatened me. All that traumatized me in middle school. Anyway, I wanted to protect my brother from that, the loneliness. I hope he's good though.

I peeked over his shoulder and I saw his convo with a girl. Lol, all his friends have SNs with their names on it, so unlike my age of AIM, where we were all Azn x Krazie x Insert birthday x Boi x Grl. Anyway, I read the line he sent "We already hugged today on the bridge." and I'm like OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. I'm disappointed he's that into girls at this age though :| lol. He thinks all the girls love him. What a dumbo ♥

Watching Star Walk, a ghetto Asian version of American Idol. Seriously. This girl gets sent home and it pans to her elderly father.

Daddy: Her dad is sick. He's terminally ill. He has about a few months to live. Yet he still attends to support his daughter!

-------

Taking the trash out with Daddy at midnight.
A guy passes by whistling, he was probably trying to calm himself down.
Another man, older and more hobo-ish, passes by and grunts when I almost back into him because I did not know he was there.

Daddy: Did he push you? If he did, I'm ready to kill his ass.

♥

wishlist

Because I've been threatened with violence and death.

Anything as long as it's expensive. :)

Gift card: forever 21, urban outfitters, american apparel, sephora

Clothes
Tops: xs, s
Bottom: xs, s, 1

I like pretty clothes.
I like dresses.
I hate logo clothing.
I like cardigans.
I like shorts, but don't want short shorts.
I like skirts, but don't want mini skirts or denim skirts.
I like clothes that make me look skinnier than I am :)
A nice faux leather belt like this

Jewelry
Cute earrings
Cute rings
Cute necklaces
Cute bracelets
I like clustery, chunky jewelry

Accessories
Bags
Purses
Wallet with lots of ca$h

High Tech
Flip Video
External Harddrive

Books
Will Grayson, will grayson, John Green and David Leviathan
No Other Life, Gary Young
Ender's Game series, except for Ender's Game and Children of the Mind, Orson Scott Card

Miscellaneous
I love cute handmade stuff
Sappy love letters
http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Actor-Gregory-Peck-December-1-1947-Posters_i4469489_.htm
Food ♥
Concert Experience
Makeup
Cows
Digimons


Thanks.

Genuine

Something weird. I woke up at 1 today and I was browsing on youtube. I have seen this before, but this time it made me cry. I guess I am much more sensitive in the morning or something. But anyway, this sums up everything I have ever felt about my friends. All of the words that I had trouble finding.

I would like nothing more than all my friends to get along. I'm glad that they can be diplomatic when they need to be. And people will be people, you can't please everyone. But I'm definitely happy that at least I love all my friends and they all, for the most part, like me back (I think).

=)

It's the thirteenth. In a month, it will be the AP Econ test and after that, I'm free =D =D =D

(500) days of summer is how I feel like when you show that nothing's the same as before. Maybe later, when the mood is right for you to shower me with love again, it'll be fine, but for right now you're wrapped up in your own world and I'm sorry I can't understand you like I used to. We used to click like mad, like we could always remedy each other's day by sharing a treasure of a sweet song that we locked away from other people, but now it's not the same. And you can't really make me happy anymore either.

Hi, it's 1AM and I'm a little foggy in the brain. Just spent the past 3 hours doing a powerpoint project for physics that I was supposed to do with my group over spring break except 1. my group consisted of me and a classmate who had no contact info whatsoever, 2. sork did not even go over the project, 3. I totally forgot about it. Anyway, it's due tomorrow. Lol. Of course I'm doing all the work. Still have a lot of information to put in. But damn my powerpoint looks sweeeeeeeeeet!!! I'm bound to put it on my online resume of skills =] Haha.

But still, I feel like I'm being screwed up in the mind from all this needless work.

Tomorrow is a another day. Tomorrow is... hey today!

it's funny how my parents are the only people in the world who constantly makes me feel worthless. like it never fails. like nothing I do is ever good enough to meet their expectations because they're always looking at different goals. because people they know indirectly can do things that I failed at doing and those are the only this that matter, not the fact that I excel at things other people can't possibly begin to practice. that I grew up not so twisted in the mind. you know, you can say that so and so went to the best college there is in your vision, but I talk to so and so, and so and so has always been unhappy. I've made my own happiness, and what's done is done, so shut the fuck up about berkeley and los angeles already. shut the fuck up. I can't wait to fucking leave because then I can finally fucking breathe. Then I can be free from you telling me I'm never good enough, that I'll never fucking survive without you. I'll fucking survive, and I'll be so fucking happy.

http://xmo0.deviantart.com/

LOL. The one day I decide to check my ancient Deviantart, Team Edward takes over for April Fools. WTF. Never returning ever again.