Anyway though, seriously:
I woke up today to Hippo crying. And I thought about how I used to wake up to you crunching on some water bottles. I remember how I would look through the blinds and see you chomping away. And then I would tap the window and you would look around and return the bottle to the plastic graveyard. The first few months, I couldn't stand in front of your house, because it was dark and it was empty and you weren't there. Now, my dad stores a pool table set or something there, and it feels all the more dead. I stand there and I see nothing. All the years spent going there to say hi. I remember the time when you were sleeping and we thought you were lost so we went around the block with flashlights. The picture burned in my head is when they finally flashed it into your house and there you were sleeping. You were so young back then. I remember all the times I asked for your paw and you'd give it to me. You had sharp nails and they were always so disgusting probably, but all I remember now is that your paw as big, and it was furry, and sometimes it was wet, but I didn't care. And you always gave it to me. You were the sweetest thing int he world. I remember you would sniff my hand too. I remember all the basketball shots you watched me make, and I remember thinking one day we'd play like Air Bud :) And that one day when Sam hit a birdie or some ball into your house and he was like "I AM YOUR MASTER!!!!" ahahaha. I digress though, because what made me think of you this morning was when I remembered how I heard Hippo crying out of the window, and I thought how unsafe everything felt. Before, when there was just a clink of the gate, I would hear your thundering bark. And that was before we installed the second gate, so if you were out you would be running around the house, trying to get at whoever just came in. And I remembered the night before they put you to sleep, I went to bed at 2 AM and I heard you shuffling and I slept with a smile, knowing you were still with me. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time, but that night I slept with yes, the fear of losing you, but the comfort of knowing that like all the years before, the thousands of thousands of days I knew you, you were still there. I remember days later Ly jie told me it felt so wrong to her. She felt so unsafe. We all felt that way. And we all loved you so much. I took all these pictures of you, I tried to draw you so many times, and this was because I didn't want you to go away. I wanted to you stay forever. And I would trade all these pictures to have just a glimpse of you alive again. Now all that's left is cousin after cousin asking me to give them your pictures, and everyone seeing my desktop and saying how beautiful you were, it's all so bittersweet. All I'm saying now, I guess, is that I miss you more than anything. I miss you more than I could have ever imagined. You are the reason I really hope there's a Doggie Heaven, like I hoped ever since I was little. We really gave you nothing material to live with, no toys and walks and all that, but you gave us everything. I remember that one episode of Grey's Anatomy where Meredith died for a second, how the one thing she wanted to see more than anything at that point was her dog, and he appeared before her. I understand it now. I want nothing more than to be able to play with you again. I love you and I miss you so, so much.
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