I know I've got a friend up in the atmosphere, another reason not to fear the sky

Hi, today is February 18, 2010. Five years ago, my friend Skye Lee passed away. She was 12 years old.

Every year I dedicate this day to her, and it gives me the opportunity to put my life into perspective. Right now, I'm thinking, damn, it's been five years.

I met Skye six years ago through a mutual friend. At that time, I was a sixth grade nobody. I had no friends, and I was dying to find an escape, to find people who I could laugh with. I met Jerry through Chinese School, and he was a boy who intrigued me so much that he would later become one of my best friends. He introduced me to his world, and he would always treat me as though I belonged, even though his friends eventually even stopped being polite with me. He introduced me to Skye.

Skye was a girl who was two inches shorter than me, extremely skinny, and dark-skinned. I would say now that she was a charming girl. She was always sweet to me, and she seemed like she genuinely enjoyed talking to me. When I met her, she had recently begun reading Harry Potter books, and she was obsessed. To this day I can't pick up a Harry Potter book without thinking about her. She loved monkeys, and she had a wonderful mom. Her mom took us to a McDonald's once, one far from my house that still had a ball pit installed. That would probably be the moment that sticks out in my memory -- the day I spent with her at McDonald's.

A lot of details have slipped from me, mostly because I was so young and so out of the loop when everything happened. What I can remember, though, is October 10, 2004, when Skye told me and Diane that she had cancer. It literally like deja vu from that scene in A Walk To Remember, which until then was the only place I've heard of leukemia. Skye had had it when she was very, very young, but it had been in remission for years. But it returned.

I did not watch the cancer eat her health, which would've been traumatizing to me at the time, but I kept in touch with her and her friends. At that time, her friends really needed to talk about how they felt, and I was there to listen. I was too distant to be a part of what was really happening, but I was so young that I felt like at that point Skye was my world, too, and when she stopped breathing, I would, too.

The night she passed away I received a call from her mom. Her mom thanked me for being Skye's friend, and that message sent me crying for the next few weeks. My parents didn't know anything about that because at that time I was alienating myself. I didn't trust my friends at school with any of this. Just remembering that time makes me recall how utterly alone I felt.

I didn't attend her funeral. A month after her death, her family moved east. I kept in touch with her friends, but a year later they made it clear that I was not a part of them. Jerry kept in touch with me until we started high school, and he moved north. I fell in love with Skye's cousin, but he's gone as well. Now, I just remember her alone.

I remember I was just twelve when she passed away. We were the same age. This happened to someone my age. And now that I'm older, I am also able to see how young we were. This happened to someone my brother's age. And I think, it's been five years. Skye could have been anything by now. She could have gone to some top college in the east, where her cousin, the boy I loved once, undoubtedly is now. She could have read all the Harry Potter books by now and be anticipating the release of the final movies. She could have been among her friends who I had a falling out with, she could have been alive these past five years.

That makes me sad, to know someone so nice be gone. And how I don't really think about her all the time anymore, like those first few months, it makes me think of how we mentally brush the people who walk in and out of our lives under a rug. I wish I could remember her more, I wish I could say name all the stuff she loved, I wish I could so much more about her, but I can't, and it's taken me five years to find clarity in that.

I love you Skye. I miss you. I wish you could have had five years to grow up like the rest of us. Thank you for being my friend.

Skye Lee, I am alive. Skye Lee, I am blessed. Skye Lee, even when you're gone, even when you've stopped, I keep breathing, and I'll carry you for the rest of my life.



With eyes like candles, filled to the brim
With tears like diamonds, swimming in a flood