I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

So I have thought over these past nine months. I've thought about this from time to time, and I've always meant to write something about it. I guess I should just write it out and hope that I have nothing to amend later, that I won't change my mind about anything I have to say.

This is about Felix Cheng. I'm not trying to reopen closed wounds, and I've already found my own closure in the time that's passed. I just wanted to write something about a boy who meant a lot to me.

After so many months, people are finally comfortable enough to ask me about you. Or talk about us. People have told me it was the oddest thing when we were together, because we just didn't match up. Other people have said we were a cute pair. It doesn't really matter. When I liked you, I thought you were perfect.

I really had no one to vent to after everything, because people think that the ones who end things aren't heartbroken as well. That's not true. It hurt a lot, and I had no one. But I guess after grappling with everything myself and finally speaking to some people about it, I can take this time to express what I felt.

I don't regret anything. Even after I ended things, I still held some affection for you. I still do. You're always funny, you're always sweet, and I'm glad I could experience being with you.

We were together for five months, and I remember I would talk to you and say stuff and let it slip like we were together for more than that. But it's true, it felt like we were together longer. It took a long time, I waited a long time, for you to show a sign. I should have taken you talking to me everyday as a sign, which started in November, right? But no. After you got a job in March you made that step, you found excuses to hug me, to go eat with me (but it wasn't a date then). And then you asked me out. You killed me with affection. You said you wished for me in the wishing well on Kimmy's birthday, and I laughed because I liked you so much back then already. I laughed because I watched you exchange those quarters for pennies and run off to the well.

You were my best friend for nearly a year. When acadeca stopped and I realized so many people moved on in their own time without me, you remained constant, and you were there for me. I was always unfair, I was always busy, but you waited for me. You weren't really patient with me, lol, but I guess I was unfair. I didn't deserve you, because you were so good to me.

I did love you. And I was happy. You treated me so well and you loved me so much, that I didn't know what to do really. I won't go into reasons why I ended things, but I wanted to get it out that I did try. I tried hard to make things work. I sacrificed a lot, too, even though it was sometimes not enough.

I'm sorry about everything. It did hurt that I lost you as a friend. It hurt a lot. And it's still awkward when we're in the same room together. But I don't think any of that matters now.

So thank you, Felix Cheng, for all that you did for me. For being my one and only high school boyfriend, for showing me love, for being my best friend. I'll never forget you. I hope you find a girl who is so worth your affection, and I hope you'll be happy.

Love, Maggie.