Let's see

Monday, June 14 - Went to Little Tokyo to do homework at Starbucks and eat at Yogurtland.
Friday, June 18 - Senior Awards, bought mochas for both me & helen
Saturday, June 19 - Carnival w/ lil bro, bought ice cream, GSA Party
Monday, June 21 - Karate Kid, Cha for Tea, Karen's reaaaal gift ;)
Tuesday, June 22 - bought a mocha, mcflurry for Alex
Thursday, June 24 - Graduation
Friday, June 25 - Helen's Graduation, Juice it up
Saturday, June 26 - bought mochas for me & andrew, mcflurry for Alex
Sunday, June 27 - Karen's Birthday Party, brought some zucchini fries
Tuesday, June 29 - Acapulco and Toy Story 3 at Vista Theatre

Aaaaaand I finally spent all my money!

it'd be great if I could get a change to spend time with these groups exclusively before I leave:

- entire third grade class
- jenny, kimberly, vivian; my middle school homies
- jenny, helen; my wives
- kimberly, karen, jiaying; my senior year homies

I wonder if it'll work out though.

eeee I graduated today! Today is like, the day that defines stuff not being in my control. My mom got a black eye today lololol. And then she forced me to go to the salon, threatened to not attend my graduation. my older brother was busy, so he left me stranded at the salon for a while. then my mom forced us to eat. then at graduation the worst thing happened: my family was locked off from the field. everything seemed like a blur, I stopped listening to the speakers when I found out my family wasn't there. And when I walked up, it was nice that the csf row was screaming for me.. but I just felt like walking was pointless with my family not there. They were there though lol. "ninja'd" in. I tried to take as many pictures with people as possible... but everyone was too scattered :/ Also, I had a gradnite planned, but Helen waited till the last second to tell me she had other plans. I'll wait the ten years to find out what I think about this day, and hopefully a sense of accomplishment washes over everything else.

I've been working on a novella for two years, and it's still in its development process..... I'm scared that the main dude in my story is too two-dimensional. :(

♥

Miley Cyrus - New Music - More Music Videos

I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

So I have thought over these past nine months. I've thought about this from time to time, and I've always meant to write something about it. I guess I should just write it out and hope that I have nothing to amend later, that I won't change my mind about anything I have to say.

This is about Felix Cheng. I'm not trying to reopen closed wounds, and I've already found my own closure in the time that's passed. I just wanted to write something about a boy who meant a lot to me.

After so many months, people are finally comfortable enough to ask me about you. Or talk about us. People have told me it was the oddest thing when we were together, because we just didn't match up. Other people have said we were a cute pair. It doesn't really matter. When I liked you, I thought you were perfect.

I really had no one to vent to after everything, because people think that the ones who end things aren't heartbroken as well. That's not true. It hurt a lot, and I had no one. But I guess after grappling with everything myself and finally speaking to some people about it, I can take this time to express what I felt.

I don't regret anything. Even after I ended things, I still held some affection for you. I still do. You're always funny, you're always sweet, and I'm glad I could experience being with you.

We were together for five months, and I remember I would talk to you and say stuff and let it slip like we were together for more than that. But it's true, it felt like we were together longer. It took a long time, I waited a long time, for you to show a sign. I should have taken you talking to me everyday as a sign, which started in November, right? But no. After you got a job in March you made that step, you found excuses to hug me, to go eat with me (but it wasn't a date then). And then you asked me out. You killed me with affection. You said you wished for me in the wishing well on Kimmy's birthday, and I laughed because I liked you so much back then already. I laughed because I watched you exchange those quarters for pennies and run off to the well.

You were my best friend for nearly a year. When acadeca stopped and I realized so many people moved on in their own time without me, you remained constant, and you were there for me. I was always unfair, I was always busy, but you waited for me. You weren't really patient with me, lol, but I guess I was unfair. I didn't deserve you, because you were so good to me.

I did love you. And I was happy. You treated me so well and you loved me so much, that I didn't know what to do really. I won't go into reasons why I ended things, but I wanted to get it out that I did try. I tried hard to make things work. I sacrificed a lot, too, even though it was sometimes not enough.

I'm sorry about everything. It did hurt that I lost you as a friend. It hurt a lot. And it's still awkward when we're in the same room together. But I don't think any of that matters now.

So thank you, Felix Cheng, for all that you did for me. For being my one and only high school boyfriend, for showing me love, for being my best friend. I'll never forget you. I hope you find a girl who is so worth your affection, and I hope you'll be happy.

Love, Maggie.

wooooot. LHSAA! What did I say about it being the best essay I've ever written at 2AM in the morning? :))))

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
Love the way you lie

[Verse 1 - Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off on love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me, and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
Cuz when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's lois lane when and it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snap "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on him, I never stood so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you'd best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya cuz today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over and it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn't you. Baby it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much, to walk away
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'll just aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
Ima tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Just gonna

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

---

Eminem is amazing.
Interesting choice of Rihanna though.

I find shelter
In this way
Undercover
Hide away
Can you hear
When I say
I have never
Felt this way

Maybe I had said
Something that was wrong
Can I make it better
With the lights turned on

Could I be
Was I there
It felt so crystal
In the air
I still want to drown
Whenever you leave
Please teach me gently
How to breathe

And I'll cross oceans
Like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too

Maybe I had said
Something that was wrong
Can I make it better
With the lights turned on

Maybe I had said
Something that was wrong
Can I make it better
With the lights turned on

yearbooks make me happy :)
I ♥ Jenny Vooooooong!

AHHHHHHHHHH. I can't believe how sad I am :(
I just watched The Painted Veil today. And I love it. It's gorgeous. I just got over my addiction to Bright Star too! Curses. Both of them are so stunning. Both of the love stories are so sweet. And then it turns sad in the end. I'm so, so sad. The Painted Veil was soooo good. China was gorgeous. Ed Norton was extremely smokin'. I love him so so much. AHHHHHH. I feel so sad though :(

I wanna talk tonight
until the morning light
about how you saved my life....



I'm trying not to cry these few weeks because it's senseless. Nothing can be changed. Everyone will be gone soon and I need to spend time remembering and enjoying what's left.

Just kidding. That's bullshit. I'll cry everyday for the next month lol

Today I sent out thank you cards to all of the teachers I've ever had, except aguilar (because she retired and c'mon it's aguilar) and buenaventura (ughh!). I spent extra time on the three teachers that mean the most to me -- Lauer, Kwan, and Crabtree. I still haven't given Crabtree hers, but Lauer cried and Kwan got all gushy and it made me really really sad to realize that I won't be able to see these women, my role models, who have taught me so so much and have shaped my life and made me a better person. I feel so grateful towards them, yet utterly depressed about leaving.

Hi
you can't change anything about yourself
you can break my heart, you can point out the obvious that we weren't gonna work.
you can blame me for your failed relationships
you can hide everything from me, you can hurt me, you can leave me alone
but you loved me once, and you can't change that.
and I loved that boy you were, and I'll love him forever.
and I know he's still in you.

you think you're a hot shot. you think you don't have to return. you think you don't have to see me ever again.
you don't have to.
I don't either.
but I'm hoping we run into each other one day and we'll be mature enough to say hi

and if I see the old you still
I'll make you love me again.

I love how when I ask about my scholarship dinner that I missed, my dad gets super fired up and pissed about dressing up nicer than most people. he says they wore poorer than his everyday wear, that they wore t shirts, that no one wore ties. well, daddy, the paper says YOU MUST wear a dress shirt with tie. just because other people are dressed down, doesn't mean I fucking forced you. And my lil bro says that he didn't have to do a speech but he did. THEY TOLD ME I HAD DO. I did my fucking job by putting everything together, giving all the fucking rules. what the shit is with this, like its a fucking burden. burn that fucking $1500 if it's so much work.

Aw. Whenever you tell me the truth about something, it's always something sad. I feel so bad. I feel like I should be there for you more. I'm sorry.

channeling my sixth grade self for my multi-genre paper. I feel so angry when I remember everything. but it's funny, because every other phrase is "I FREAKING WANT TO DIE."